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Shame and fear was a part of it, but even more so I think there was a part of me that wanted to pretend that HIV hadn't happened to me.
That I could go on bad Tinder dates and laugh about them at brunch with my friends, get set up with friends, and pick up a guy when I was out for the night, just like everyone else.
When a person goes on treatment — I take one pill a day — undetectable is the goal.
Staying on treatment and keeping my viral load at undetectable levels means that I'm going to lead a long healthy life.
Not disclosing my status at first led to a lot of heartache and unnecessary hurt for both me and my partners when I eventually give them the "bad news." The 'bad news' was less about their risk of getting HIV and more about how I had deceived them, which is not an especially attractive quality in a mate.
My sex cam no registration
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is not the greatest pick-up line, and it's certainly not great for my self-esteem.
Even better, it means that there's no risk of sexual transmission, even if I don't use a condom (though I'm better at that now, obviously).
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