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Presumably, they want to meet someone someday and fall in love—and enter into a long-term relationship.But for the reasons they give, they have lost hope.These responses, and other similar comments I have heard from patients, divide unevenly into two groups: Most of these men and women, many of whom have responded anonymously, state plainly that all of the people they have dated are miserable human beings. I don’t mean, can we believe that all men are rotten human beings, the kind of thing you would find in a cesspool. Probably no generalization about men and women, favorable or unfavorable, would be entirely accurate.
If a person who has been disappointed over and over again can accept this obvious truth (after all, other couples come together) it is possible to think about what that person is doing wrong.
They would like to meet some interesting, worthwhile person who admires them and who comes to love them.
They want to respect—and to have the respect of—that other person.
The person left behind has another reason to feel undesirable.
Every once in a while, a reader writes in to remind me that it is possible for single people to live happily.I saw a woman, Thelma, in psychotherapy twice a week, on Monday and Thursday evenings.